its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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