Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
