Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
