Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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