My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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