yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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