i don't like sucking hair
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
