is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you had me at cake vodka
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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