Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
