dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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