the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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