My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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