ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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