last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
