i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
