I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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