pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
