Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
