just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
