Me too!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You're like the curious george of whores
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
