Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
