I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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