How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Found the puke drawer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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