I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
