i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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