your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
