Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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