just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
