I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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