went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
