I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
