Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
