drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Randomize
