Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
