He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
