I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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