i'm signing you up for texting rehab
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sober January is a disaster.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
