I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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