I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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