Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
