Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
