walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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