Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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