I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
high people should be assigned attendants
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
