I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
