Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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