Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
