My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
