She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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