You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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