Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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