At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
