my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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