So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize
