physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize