he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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