if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
