Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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