my mouth tastes like poor choices
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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