I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
