i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
