dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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