i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
