Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize