Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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