don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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