just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
