Your mouth is God's brothel.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
