the condom got lost in my hair
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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