____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
