I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
