I hate your face
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
