so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They took my balls.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
