I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
