He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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