i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
