i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
