I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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