I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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