My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
please come you make the beer taste better
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
