so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
