I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
