just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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