I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
