I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
