she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
