he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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