we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
