her vagine was all disorganized.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
did i just pee glitter
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