i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
