Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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