Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
