if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
