I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
