You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
