So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
