So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize