Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
