Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize