I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
