so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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